Upswings and Downswings

Sometimes poker and life can be so hand it in hand it is ridiculous. You run hot and you are on a ridiculous upswing and you never felt better. Then, you have a -50 BI downswing and everything sucks and you feel like crap but you try to play it off and play on and know you can't afford to tilt. Well I feel the exact same way about my life right now. The reason I didn't update this blog for a while because I was kind of stuck about what to and not to write on this. I guess it does kind of weird me out to know that if I put myself out there on this blog that strangers and close people that I know I might read it. I have always been ridiculously private with my feelings. I rarely let anyone know how I am feeling or what is going on because I feel like it is an issue more about me so why does anyone else need to know. I am going to try to start writing about my life and feelings more on this thing because I thought my blog was getting lame. Yeah I won this day, I lost this way, I am getting better. Whatever its all fine and dandy but it comes to a point where you think there is more to it. That's what I am going to try to accomplish more with this blog. That's why I really respect the blogs of TheLipoFund, when he updated it, and Assassinato because they don't care they put it all out there. Well, I don't know if I can go from an extreme left to an extreme right but I am going to start taking baby steps in the next direction.

Sometimes, it just feels like I am smiling on the outside and just really dying on the inside. I stay to myself, don't really talk to my family like I should, because I am an idiot obv, and try to live life like I loner. I have been away from my family for song its ridiculous. I wanted to go to school in Tallahassee to not only get a different culture experience at an Historically Black College, but I also wanted to get out of the house. All I knew was that house and my parents rules and I just couldn't wait to get out. Yeah I loved my family but sometimes I hated the way that they had so much control of my life. I mean I don't want to make my parents sound bad because I love them but sometimes I feel that I wasn't allowed to do what I really wanted to do when I wanted to do which led me to wild out pretty hard in school. That first taste of freedom that I actually experienced when I first got to college was probably like a continuous cocaine high. I have never done it but that is the way people describe. I was just so free and could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and there was nothing that anyone could do about it. With that type of mentality, comes some parts in your life when you are going to learn life lessons. I feel like I learned so much in school about myself and life its ridiculous. It probably has shaped me and made into the person that I am today.

After, I graduated I accepted a job offer in Seattle,WA of course I could never move back home. It just felt like I got to the point of my life where I can't live with them anymore and just have to be out of my own. I know it probably perplexes them when I don't call like I should but sometimes I just like that feeling I get knowing that I am just out alone my own man trying to do me. Recently, I have been questioning a lot of things in my life and making me realize how important my family should be to me. Nothing bad has happened or anything but I just know deep down how important they are and should be to me. When everyone else lets you down they are the ones that you can talk to. During this time period I also have been trying to figure out what in life is going to truly make me happy. I would be telling you a lie straight to your face if I told you I was happy going to work from 6:00am-2:30pm every freaking day. Yeah, its good to have a job in this economy, the job is fine, and there are things I can learn but ultimately I know that's not me. I absolutely hate structure sometimes and would rather be on MY schedule that a 6:00am-2:30pm schedule. That's why I even started playing poker in the first place. I mean I know I need a back up plan because obv I am not good enough to just play poker but its such a dream of mine. I don't want to have to wake up everyday having to go to work at the same time. I would much rather do what I want to do when I want to do it. I will put my heart into work because it is a means to an end and I need that job for stable money. But, my heart is so much into the game of poker. Sidebar my parents/family are going to think I am NUTS if/when they read this. But anyways I would be perfectly fine waking up doing something I absolutely love to do everyday and making my own money than waking up 6:00am-2:30pm making someone else money. I guess I just have that hustlers/entrepreneur spirit. I always that my boy Pat in college for crazy talking about a job working for someone else is not him but hey Pat I feel where you are coming from. Ultimately I just have to grow as a person, keep networking, get this graduate degree, and play poker. That is going to be my game plan. Hopefully by the time I get that graduate degree I have so much freaking money saved up so I can just take some time and figure out my next move. Ultimately, that feels like it is going to take forever because grad school classes keep getting delayed. This is like the fourth or fifth time that it has been delayed and it is driving me crazy. I would be more frustrated if I was lazy and it was something I did but hey I am in the program just waiting to start.

Poker has been so mind wrecking it is ridiculous. April was such a freaking smooth month and everything was perfect. 776 games played 27% ROI $2,275. I never had any type of rough patches of everything. Now lets look at the stats for May. 896 games played -2% ROI -$447. This month was so trying because I never felt like I was gaining any type of traction. It is so frustrated to absolutely be killing the $6.50's and getting killed in the $12's. They are not that much harder and I believe I have a pretty good edge in these games. When going through last month I just started to think why people they are grinding when they are playing online. The truth of the matter the game is such a grind it is ridiculous but I love it. You have to love doing something if you are sitting there playing in front of a computer for 4-5 hrs and you are losing money. Sometimes I feel like an idiot after the session but I know deep down inside it is what I love. I feel like my game is on point for the most part though. Been doing some more review over my hands and posting hands but going to try to get better with that. Meeting people like Assassinato and his boys his boy he introduced me to sexuelity really taught me that. You get out of poker what you put in. If you don't put in the work or the time to play you are not going to get better point blank. This is why I am going to try to work harder than I have ever before. This month I was very proud of myself for putting in the volume despite it being a losing month. To some people they may sit back and laugh when I say volume but it was the most amount of games I have ever played in a month. I honestly think that I could of actually hit the 1k games played mark next month when I put in the time. I know I will run better and I know that I will keep analyzing spots to help me get better. I also finally got HEM after everyone cracked on me for being nitty and not buy int. It is definitely a good purchase and I am interested to see how well I do with it next month. Especially, when I try to start transitioning to cash which will probably happen after I am done with my current deal at SNGMentors but who knows. Well I might as well list my goals for next month.


-1k games played
-20-25% ROI
-Study @ least 8 hrs a week

It's going to be hard for me to track the last goal of studying 8 hrs a week but I will figure it out. Whether it be reviewing my hh's, looking at other peoples, or running stuff through SNGWiz myself. I know this post was super long but hey that's what happens when you don't update your blog in a month. Here is to running well in the second half of the year because I need to start stacking cheese to make some believers out of people :-p.

P.S I love and miss all my family a lot especially my Joi Joi :-)

wbmustang

Computer Built & Using Scripts

Well my computer is finally built and you know I couldn't wait to fire it up to play my first session. The thing about it is that I had put everything together on Saturday with my boy Al but had trouble loading the OS so finished that up on Sunday. I also had to transfer a bunch of music and videos from my old computer so I can eventually get to formatting the hd and putting it in my new box. Although I am tempted to just wait and get another 1 TB HD. Then, I thought I was gonna get all sophisticated so I downloading some scripts to run to help me multi table. My Hotkey program selections are Stars Assitant, StarsHotkeys, and Debustifier. It takes a little bit of getting use to because I had to tweak the settings to give me what I want. I didn't really like how Stars Assitant would bring up the active table and not really let you select what table you can act on. I guess it is just different because the program is essentially telling you to play optimally I guess but hey I wanna do stuff quicker on other tables like when I want to snap AA and such things. Other than that my first session wasn't that spectacular. I ended up have like a 28% ROI over 43 games for a whopping $83. Oh well I am not complaining because it was a winning session but it felt good to get comfortable on my new computer. I also had to mess around and fidget with the custom table layout when the tournaments. It was kind of tilting and next time I will be sure to set that up before I start playing by just opening tables and setting stuff up. Its tilting trying to line up the stuff to stack it and make the same size but it got accomplished. Other than that life is pretty good and I can't complain at all. I am having a good month and really liking how my game is progressing. I really see myself getting more comfortable in a lot spots where I used to was not. Hmm it seems like the quality of my posts are so bad but meh I don't care I kind of enjoy writing whats on my mind. Till next time.

wbmustang

Running Alright + Go Man United and Nuggets

I have still be running fairly good this month. For the most part, I am a little off pace to reach 1k games for the month so I might have to stretch out some longer session on my Saturdays so that I can meet this goal. I still think that I am learning new stuff everyday which is good. I just try to play as best a possible and not lose any of the old stuff that I learn. I guess I just need to keep playing and find time to study and evaluate my game. That is the only way that I am going to get better is if I keep playing and studying. Often time, I think it is real easy to get caught up in the success that you have an therefore are less inclined to study. Well, then you are only hurting yourself in the long run because I am sure there are players out there that are always looking for an edge and that is key. Another funny thing did happen the other day I was playing and looking at the chat and obv people are talking about how bad I am and how I suck balls. Honestly it is just sooo funny to me and all the hate just feeds my positive energy. I obv think that when people hate on you they want what you have. I guess since they have to be a reverse grinder they have to hate on me for doing ok oh well lol.

The Nuggets have secured the second seed in the playoffs and we are playing the New Orleans Hornets. This is kind of a scary series because I know how dangerous the Honrnets can be with CP3 aka She P 3 lol. Hopefully we can play good against them and handle them in 6 games and I think that is how long it is going to take. Man United had a pretty big win in Porto yesterday to advance to the semi finals of the UEFA Champions League. United is the first English team to win in Porto so it was a huge win and even bigger goal by Cristiano Ronaldo. That goal might be the strike of they year tbh. Hopefully they beat Arsenal in the semis and march our way to Rome to win the title back to back. Thats all for now till next time.

wbmustang

Lazy Weekend

Well, I was totally lazy this weekend and did not get anything that I wanted to get accomplished. Wow Wil that sounds so earth shattering on your blog. Saying that you are going to do something and don't do it. Yeah will it is what it is. On Friday night I played some poker and ended up going to a friends house party for his birthday. Poker was good and I had a nice session. Unfortunately after I got done playing I took my sorry ass to sleep. I am so notorious for just going to sleep and the truth of the matter is I like to sleep waaaaaaaaaay to much. Sometimes I think about going to a doctor to get it checked out but other times I guess its normal. The only problem is that when I go to sleep like that it messes my sleep schedule all up. Basically I ended up falling through the party at like closer to 12. It was a good time drank and clowned and then passed. Man I like patron weeeeeee. Anyways I ended up waking up, going to IHOP, then coming back to my house. Unfortunately when I got back home I proceded to fall back asleep and wake up at like 5. So mad at myself didn't play any poker or anything. On Sunday I went to church and I don't play on Sunday's anymore. Ok cool perfect it seemed like I could go ahead and build my computer. I called my boys up who were supposed to help me out so it turns out to be a no go. Now I must go to work early so I can get off earlier so I can grind. I want to grind for at least like 3-4 hrs and then put together my computer. Well that is my plan. Hopefully I will be able to actually follow through with a plan that I have created. The only glitch in the plan is that I have to wake up and be in at work by 5 am. Will he make it?

wbmustang

April So Far

April has been treating me pretty well I am running pretty good. I will play today and tomorrow and obv take Sunday off for Easter. I am also excited because I will finally be able to put my new computer together on Sunday. Its terrible because I have had the mobo and cpu for a while just was too lazy/broke to put everything together and get the parts off of newegg. I will have my buddy up here help me so I hope that I won't run into any problems. Other than that I am just chillin right now longing for the Seattle sun. I guess I don't really let the weather affect me too much but geez is it too much to ask to see the sun geesh. I also need to figure out times where I can sit down and study my game. The only problem is that sometimes I feel like I rush myself going through stuff sometimes I dunno. The only way for me to continually get better is for me to keep studying and that is what I plan on doing. I have to continue to tell myself not to focus on short term success and look as my poker playing as one giant session. Pretty uneventful post but going to try and do better updating.

wbmustang

March Reuslts, April Goals, and More!

Well March again was another trying month. I am happy because I actually reached GoldStar but sad how my profit ended up for the month. It seemed like the month was going so good then out of no where I hit a downswing. I guess I just have to get used to it. It's so frustrating when you think that things are turning the corner and then you get totally pwned. I guess that is variance for you but it really hurts. I ended up making around $812 with a measily 10% ROI. I guess I should stop complaining because I wasn't down for the month but really I do expect more from myself. To be honest I thought that this year was going to be my break out year in terms of poker and so far it has not panned out this way. Oh well this is only the end of the first quarter of the year and I still have three quarters left to play. Sorry I had to put in a cheesy football reference in on this blog. Either way I guess I can say that I am happy with the amount of volume that I put in this month. 758 games played is not bad at all and I long for the month when I actually hit 1k games played which I think is doable since I am playing more tables and I got a new monitor and just have to put together my computer finally. When I look back on this blog years from now I am just going to cringe about how I say I am going to do something and then don't do it. I guess like that one post said I am just a man of excuses :-p.






April should be a good month but unfortunately my grad school really with start this month towards in the end of April. I can't say that I am all too thrilled about it but I know that it is necessary in the long run for my professional career. Besides that I am going to try to be hardcore and put some tough goals on myself. Hey shoot for the moon and if you miss you will land in the stars. Heare is a list of my goals:

-1k games played
-25-30% ROI
-Update blog more

Obviously the VIP Status will take care of itself if I put in the volume which is why I did not include this month. I am happy with the way my game is progressing and just waiting for the results that I expect/deserve. Even though that sounds kind of cocky I don't care because @ this point that is how I feel.

In terms of life and what not everything is cool. I finally got a 23" Samusung monitor on a sweat deal and I have all of the parts to my computer. Now all I have to do is just put it together which I plan on doing this weekend. Probably Sunday so I can keep myself entertained and not play poker on Easter. Everyone and their mom probably knows by now how my Broncos how just been torn apart. I mean yes Jay Cutler is a cry baby, yes we got a lot for him in draft picks, but how did Josh McDaniels come in here and just mess everything up is just beyond me. He had one job to do which was shore up the defense now we need a qb because I am not convinced that Orton or Simms in the answer there. I mean I think these guys can manage a game but being Pro Bowl calliber I do not see. I guess it is better to have an overall better team and a good qb rather than a Pro Bowl QB and a suspect team. I mean at least that is what I keep telling myself. The Nuggets are doing good and are in position to be the #2 seed in the West. That is definitely suprising and I hope they lock that up and actually get out of the first round of the playoffs this year. Manchester United have hit a little bet of a rough patch but I know that they will pull out of it and win the EPL and Champions League.

I was going to make another post about this but hopefully I can write this and no one will read it. Right now I am struggling with the concept of the value of a dollar. I mean yeah I make good money, yeah I make money playing poker most of the time :-s, but I am kind of calling myself out for not saving like I should and being frivolous with my money. I kind of have the mentallity that when I leave this earth I will not be able to take anything to heaven. With that being said why act cheap. I am not gonna say I go out getting bottle service every night but I do need to do better. I have a gym membership which I don't use, a Netflix membership that I will start using more when my computer is built, and I spend way to much money eating out and drinking good when I go out. I dunno I guess it comes with growing up but I need to do something. I made a budget for myself when I started working and I tottally don't use it @ all. I mean don't get me wrong I have alright contribution in the 401k and do like $100 a week in my savings account but bottom line I think I can do better. I don't want to be the person saying wow I worked x amount of years and have nothing to show for it. I mean hear it is year 1 down and I am not 100% sure if I have anything to show for it. I got some things in my apt but it is not where I want it to be. Meh let me not start because it will be the LONGEST post ever. Good luck to all my other buddies with their goals and see you @ the tables.

GoldStar Weeeeeeee!

Well I have accomplished my goal of reaching GoldStar vip status level. It has been a crazy month. After the beginning of the month, I was doing alright and was close to 1k. Then I reached a point where I had a downswing and pretty much lost all of it. Now it is towards the end of the month and now I am back up like 1.2k. My ROI is slacking for what I had in terms of my goal but I still have some time to bring that up. I need to make that final push for the end of the month. I don't know how long I will be able to play this weekend though. Friday I will probably go out after work have some cocktails so that is that. On Saturday, I have ticekts for the Cask Brew Festival in Seattle so thats going to be another night of drinking. I probably will be able to get some games in on late Friday night and Saturday morning. Hopefully, I don't get too faded on Friday so that I will be able to play. I also made the decision to not play on Sundays anymore. I know some people are going to be like thats the juiciest day of the year but thats the ev that I will just have to pass on. When I first started poker, I told myself that I wasn't going to play on Sundays just because of religious reasons. It's already a struggle having to talk to my parents about me playing poker and just views of it with the church. Oh well I am not going to get deeper into it but I am just not playing on Sundays anymore. Plus, most of my Sundays suck anways and I usually get pwned by Stars. This just means I am going to have to grind a little harder since I am going to be out of like 3-4 days a month because of Sunday. Oh well, I think I will feel better about the situation in the long term.

wbmustang