Disclaimer: Long post
This post is probably as real as I am going to get with myself and it is from the heart. I have started to notice a bad trend in my life. The trend that I have noticed is that I continually get outworked by people. Why is this you ask? I don't know but I had a lot of time to think about why I am the way I am. To be honest the reason why I think I don't work as hard as I can is because I take too much shit for granted.
I grew up in a family atmosphere where I never really had to struggle. I mean I don't want to sound all uppity/spoiled but I didn't have to work for much. I mean yes I was required by my parents to get good grades etc but never really had to struggle for what I got. Even in college I feel I got outworked. I mean don't get me wrong, I got ok grades got a decent job and graduated, but sometimes I wonder what would of happened if I pushed myself more. Maybe I am just a lifetime lazy achievement award.
Thinking about other players who have taken off and me in the same position you have to wonder. Did they have resources you don't have? This is clearly not the case. I have been on SngMentors had good coaching etc. But tbh the answer is within me. I have to man up and say that I have been outworked to be honest. People have put in more volume and more hours in. This is why I am in the same poisition.
I am tired of going through my life seeing people advance and do things better than me. I mean I have always been competitive but sometimes it seems like I lack that fire I guess. But with poker, I have the fire but it's like I am not working to get there. I mean don't get me wrong I feel like I have learned a lot and come a long ways from where I started but I can be doing expotentially better. I am not putting my 100% heart into the game. I need to start doing this. I am trying to change my life around. I am tired of being lazy and left behind. Some may say that I have a good head start but damn it I want more. I am not greedy I just expect more out of myself.
This is the reason why I decided to change my avatar on PokerStars to Wayne Rooney. He is someone that is never outworked on the pitch. This year he is the best striker in the world, yes it is an argument to have but I am biased Man United fan. He has speed, power, grit, determination, and heart. These are the qualities that I need to exhibit on the virtual felt. Speed in making good and clear decisions while multi tabling, girt and determination to grind when running shitty, and the heart to never feel like I am out of a tournament. Even when I have t1 chip left I need to fight like there is no tomorrow.
I have spent a long time lying to myself saying that I am going to do this that and the other. I need to take the slogan from Nike and just do it. I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about would could of been. I need to start thinking about what will be. One of the funniest but real quotes is from Mighty Ducks when the coach looks Gordon Bombay dead in the face and says "Your not even a has been you were a never was." I don't want to be a never was.
So I am putting 100% in taking over my life and making positive changes. The clock is ticking and time is not slowing down for anyone. I remember like it was yesterday when I was in Middle School, High School, and College. I can really say that there was maybe one semester where I put everything I had into school and treated it professionally. You know what happened, I got a 3.8 that semester.
People always tell me that I will be succesful and amount to something. Although I take it in stride sometimes I get nervous. I need to stop getting nervous and acting on what people see in me. I need to act on what I see in myself. Watching the 25k NAPT high roller event and reading up on Faraz Jaka has also kind of motivated. Hearing vertek tell me that he put in more hours than me lit a fire under me. Reading Rainman aka MI_Turtle aka Nick Rainey's blog about how hard he works and people say you won't do x,y, and z and trying to prove them wrong motivates me. It's time for me to stop looking for other sources of motivation and motivate myself. Motivate myself by trying correction meeting my goals. I don't know why I was always the typle of person that needed a kick in my ass to get things going.
I need to put this plan into full force not just on the felt but in life in general. I need to do better at work and making an impact to. Bottom line I need to do better and know I can do better. I have some homework and stuff to do but after that it's no more bullshit. I will be sitting down today and making my schedule. The last time I tried to do this I got scared just looking at it and I didn't even start my schedule.
Lastly I would like to say that I owe vertek $100 for the psychological coaching lol. Here is a good video he recommended to me. It is short and a very good video. I probably should watch it every morning I wake up.
1 comment:
Ah, honest writing is such a good thing to see. You're being really hard on yourself, man. Every time I'm online, you're always working hard on your game and analyzing stuff with me. From what I can tell, you're putting a lot of work in your game and eventually it pays off. When you see a lot of the other regs having success and putting in a ton of time and effort, realize that most of them are doing it out of necessity because it's their only source of income. You have a lot of good things going on outside of poker, which a lot of those guys lack (including myself). Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't think that volume is the answer to everything. A lot of these 180 regs who put in 3-4x as much volume as me or you, aren't really developing their game to their full potential. Every solution to a poker question is always a black or white answer with them. To me, poker isn't like that and is totally situational. Adjustments have to be made and some creativity has to be thrown in as well. The 180 grind is becoming tougher, everyone knows my plays now so I'm constantly having to make unorthodox, outside of the box plays against certain people. The fields are getting tougher, I'm not making as much in those, etc. so right now I'm just trying to adjust and try new things. The emotional swings are part of the game and how you deal with that part of the game is what makes or breaks poker players. Stay positive and don't be too hard on yourself. Pick the right friends in the poker world and learn from them. Keep your ego out of it and ignore the haters. It's all just a learning experience anyway and poker is just a game...so don't let it affect you negatively. Treat every loss or mistake as a learning experience and just keep at it.
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