Busy Busy Busy

I have been so freaking busy lately. I have had to deal with homework, attending class, and doing a final. My volume this month has been laughable. I feel like I am playing good but just running like dog shit on fire in some spots. If you win in key spots your results will be a lot better.

I have to figure out how to stay on top of things. I keep saying that I am going to make a schedule. I get nervous when I see how much stuff I am trying to pack into a day. I am so not a morning person and the only way that I can make it work is if I get to work at 5 am. That gives me the best chance in putting in good volume. I will figure it out some day. My biggest fear is not living up to the hype. So many people in my life have seen good things about me and said I will go places but I feel like I am letting myself and them down. I dunno maybe it is apart of me growing up. I look at see that I am 26 years old but still growing up. The irony of things.

I just have to make things work. I am sick of seeing people who I started with or after me just crushing. Although I have a full time job, I still don't find that as a viable excuse. I mean if I am going to do it then I have to do it right. Somehow it has to come from within. I am getting tired of saying I am going to do x,y, and z and still don't do it. How can anyone trust what I am saying if I am lying to myself all the time. It's something I battle with and need to figure out. I set aggressive goals for this month and probably will not meet all of them. Maybe one day I will look at the goals that I set or things I said I do and be proud about it. One of these days I am going to read my old posts and see how much hot air I am full of. It's disturbing and I am tired of it.

Maybe some of this has to do the fact that I do have ADD and actually getting help. It's so hard for me to start and finish something completely. Like most of the times I will finish something but it feels like it is a long journey of bs to get there. Talking to someone is definitely helping I just need to find a way to control it. I mean sometimes I think I am lazy and sometimes I just feel like I can't control what I am going to do next. I can set my mind on doing something and 15 minutes later it feels like I am not doing what I am supposed to do. Oh well hopefully I can figure everything out.

Getting real excited for my trip to Costa Rica coming up. Not only will I get a chance to kick it with O, Raventhon, Assassinato, and others but I will be grinding and kickin it. I hope this trip doesn't spoil me too much. Definitely looking forward to learning a lot. On a side note as of now I am done with the $36/180's. I am so not properly rolled for them right now and my results are bad. Although it is a small sample size, they don't seem to load enough to even get a good sample size in. Other than that life is good.

I really can't complain though because crazy things happen and you realize how fortunate you are. Just yesterday my old middle school got shot up. Crazy how when I was in high school Columbine went down and years later Deer Creek Middle School gets shot up. Apparently some teachers tackeld the shooter which is good because it could of been a real bad situation. I just don't get what is running through peoples minds.

On a side note congrats to vertek to getting on the SharkScope leaderboard. It's gonna be tough to hold that spot but I know you can.