Noticing A Trend

Disclaimer: Long post

This post is probably as real as I am going to get with myself and it is from the heart. I have started to notice a bad trend in my life. The trend that I have noticed is that I continually get outworked by people. Why is this you ask? I don't know but I had a lot of time to think about why I am the way I am. To be honest the reason why I think I don't work as hard as I can is because I take too much shit for granted.

I grew up in a family atmosphere where I never really had to struggle. I mean I don't want to sound all uppity/spoiled but I didn't have to work for much. I mean yes I was required by my parents to get good grades etc but never really had to struggle for what I got. Even in college I feel I got outworked. I mean don't get me wrong, I got ok grades got a decent job and graduated, but sometimes I wonder what would of happened if I pushed myself more. Maybe I am just a lifetime lazy achievement award.

Thinking about other players who have taken off and me in the same position you have to wonder. Did they have resources you don't have? This is clearly not the case. I have been on SngMentors had good coaching etc. But tbh the answer is within me. I have to man up and say that I have been outworked to be honest. People have put in more volume and more hours in. This is why I am in the same poisition.

I am tired of going through my life seeing people advance and do things better than me. I mean I have always been competitive but sometimes it seems like I lack that fire I guess. But with poker, I have the fire but it's like I am not working to get there. I mean don't get me wrong I feel like I have learned a lot and come a long ways from where I started but I can be doing expotentially better. I am not putting my 100% heart into the game. I need to start doing this. I am trying to change my life around. I am tired of being lazy and left behind. Some may say that I have a good head start but damn it I want more. I am not greedy I just expect more out of myself.

This is the reason why I decided to change my avatar on PokerStars to Wayne Rooney. He is someone that is never outworked on the pitch. This year he is the best striker in the world, yes it is an argument to have but I am biased Man United fan. He has speed, power, grit, determination, and heart. These are the qualities that I need to exhibit on the virtual felt. Speed in making good and clear decisions while multi tabling, girt and determination to grind when running shitty, and the heart to never feel like I am out of a tournament. Even when I have t1 chip left I need to fight like there is no tomorrow.

I have spent a long time lying to myself saying that I am going to do this that and the other. I need to take the slogan from Nike and just do it. I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about would could of been. I need to start thinking about what will be. One of the funniest but real quotes is from Mighty Ducks when the coach looks Gordon Bombay dead in the face and says "Your not even a has been you were a never was." I don't want to be a never was.

So I am putting 100% in taking over my life and making positive changes. The clock is ticking and time is not slowing down for anyone. I remember like it was yesterday when I was in Middle School, High School, and College. I can really say that there was maybe one semester where I put everything I had into school and treated it professionally. You know what happened, I got a 3.8 that semester.

People always tell me that I will be succesful and amount to something. Although I take it in stride sometimes I get nervous. I need to stop getting nervous and acting on what people see in me. I need to act on what I see in myself. Watching the 25k NAPT high roller event and reading up on Faraz Jaka has also kind of motivated. Hearing vertek tell me that he put in more hours than me lit a fire under me. Reading Rainman aka MI_Turtle aka Nick Rainey's blog about how hard he works and people say you won't do x,y, and z and trying to prove them wrong motivates me. It's time for me to stop looking for other sources of motivation and motivate myself. Motivate myself by trying correction meeting my goals. I don't know why I was always the typle of person that needed a kick in my ass to get things going.

I need to put this plan into full force not just on the felt but in life in general. I need to do better at work and making an impact to. Bottom line I need to do better and know I can do better. I have some homework and stuff to do but after that it's no more bullshit. I will be sitting down today and making my schedule. The last time I tried to do this I got scared just looking at it and I didn't even start my schedule.

Lastly I would like to say that I owe vertek $100 for the psychological coaching lol. Here is a good video he recommended to me. It is short and a very good video. I probably should watch it every morning I wake up.

Busy Busy Busy

I have been so freaking busy lately. I have had to deal with homework, attending class, and doing a final. My volume this month has been laughable. I feel like I am playing good but just running like dog shit on fire in some spots. If you win in key spots your results will be a lot better.

I have to figure out how to stay on top of things. I keep saying that I am going to make a schedule. I get nervous when I see how much stuff I am trying to pack into a day. I am so not a morning person and the only way that I can make it work is if I get to work at 5 am. That gives me the best chance in putting in good volume. I will figure it out some day. My biggest fear is not living up to the hype. So many people in my life have seen good things about me and said I will go places but I feel like I am letting myself and them down. I dunno maybe it is apart of me growing up. I look at see that I am 26 years old but still growing up. The irony of things.

I just have to make things work. I am sick of seeing people who I started with or after me just crushing. Although I have a full time job, I still don't find that as a viable excuse. I mean if I am going to do it then I have to do it right. Somehow it has to come from within. I am getting tired of saying I am going to do x,y, and z and still don't do it. How can anyone trust what I am saying if I am lying to myself all the time. It's something I battle with and need to figure out. I set aggressive goals for this month and probably will not meet all of them. Maybe one day I will look at the goals that I set or things I said I do and be proud about it. One of these days I am going to read my old posts and see how much hot air I am full of. It's disturbing and I am tired of it.

Maybe some of this has to do the fact that I do have ADD and actually getting help. It's so hard for me to start and finish something completely. Like most of the times I will finish something but it feels like it is a long journey of bs to get there. Talking to someone is definitely helping I just need to find a way to control it. I mean sometimes I think I am lazy and sometimes I just feel like I can't control what I am going to do next. I can set my mind on doing something and 15 minutes later it feels like I am not doing what I am supposed to do. Oh well hopefully I can figure everything out.

Getting real excited for my trip to Costa Rica coming up. Not only will I get a chance to kick it with O, Raventhon, Assassinato, and others but I will be grinding and kickin it. I hope this trip doesn't spoil me too much. Definitely looking forward to learning a lot. On a side note as of now I am done with the $36/180's. I am so not properly rolled for them right now and my results are bad. Although it is a small sample size, they don't seem to load enough to even get a good sample size in. Other than that life is good.

I really can't complain though because crazy things happen and you realize how fortunate you are. Just yesterday my old middle school got shot up. Crazy how when I was in high school Columbine went down and years later Deer Creek Middle School gets shot up. Apparently some teachers tackeld the shooter which is good because it could of been a real bad situation. I just don't get what is running through peoples minds.

On a side note congrats to vertek to getting on the SharkScope leaderboard. It's gonna be tough to hold that spot but I know you can.

Chopped Live Tourney For 1k

Well, yesterday I was convinced by my boy Diga81 to play some live poker. He always is clowning me because I am lazy and would rather play @ home on my computer. Either way I begrudgingly went to the Muckleshoot Casino to play a $60+5 tournament. I was feeling good and confident about my game and knew I could own these live donks. Either way 4 hrs later I chopped for like $1150. Not a bad score for 4 hrs of work. I knew I was going to win or @ least get to the final table when I got it all in KK vs KK vs QQ and I won. Of course the black kings won because black kings are better. Not really but I said it and it happened lol. Other than that it was pretty uneventful. What did perplex me is how bad players are. People have like 120k @ 10k/20k blind level limping. I was just laughing and I didn't understand how to combat it. I mean I was at the final table some ICM gets involved and people will limp call with Ax so meh. The only spot maybe I could of shove blinds were at 10k/20k three people limp I have KTs with like 200k and I was real tempted to shove. I got pussified and folded but oh well I thought I could pick a better spot since the players were so random.

Other than that, I really didn't have any interesting hands and everything was pretty standard. That and I really suck about remember hands and how they went down a day later. It's werid when I am in the zone and playing I remember stuff but later on the next day I don't. I guess I should start taking notes but oh well. Not 100% sure if I am going to play online today because I have to get my hair cut and run some errands. I am kind of mad about it because February is a short month and I need to get as much volume as possible.

On the online front, my last coaching session went good but clearly I am missing some spots. These little spots add up over time. My coach tells me not to get too down on myself since I have a day job my game won't progress as fast as someone that has no job and that is their sole source of income. Although I believe this to an extent, I still know better and need to do better recognizing these spots. The hard part is keeping a level head. I mean I know I am getting better and winning money but I am still making some mistakes. I won't be happy until I feel like I get my game more consistent and not making mistakes. Hopefully I won't be making mistakes by the end of Februaury.

wbmustang

Eating Crow

I am eating crow big time right now. I predicted that the Colts would win the Super Bowl and boy was I wrong. Peyton Manning is a great quarterback but kind of a choke artist. I mean his receivers dropped some balls but he didn't come out and do anything spectacular. Add that to the fact that he threw a pick 6 when the Colts were driving to score which totally changed the game.

I have to give a big congratulations to New Orleans because they played their hearts out and won it for the city. I know a lot of my family in Louisiana is going to be pretty happy about the win. On another note, I think Sean Payton has to play poker because he is a gambler with balls of steel. His first gamble, going for it on 4th and goal, didn't pan out and the Saints turned the ball over on downs. But, he stuck to the script. This man comes out in the second half and does an onside kick and makes it work. WTF? I texted my boy hotbizzle saying that he probably used a shove chart for that play. Then later in the game he went for two to put the Saints up 7 points. The refs ruled that it was an incomplete pass but Sean Payton challenges the call and it gets overturned. Such a sick game and a great Super Bowl. Other than that I thought that most of the commercials were pretty booty.

Sigh America and Life

Last night I had a good time with my buddy Scotty B. We ended up going to the UW vs ASU game. ASU got waxed and Scott wasn't too happy about that because he went to ASU. Oh well maybe next time. But after the game things get interesting. We ended up going out downtown and having a pretty good time. After leaving the bars we decide to cut out early and get a hot dog off the streets in Bell Town. Boom we book it over there we are kinda drunk and this chick walks up. Scott and I are talking about how he hasn't had a hot dog from out there for a while and I said I never had one. Then this chick blurts out you never had one where are you from. I said Renton. She then proceeds to try to make a joke oh Renton, Africa. Hold on C'mon son gtfo here with that bullshit. She proceeds to say ohh it was just a joke are you going to take it offensive. Now everyone around me looks more pissed off about it than I am. Eventually some cool guy say BITCH YOU NEED TO CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. It was so funny she was like geesh I will go across the street to get a hot dog. Bitch you know there is not a city in Africa named Renton why say some dumb shit like that. Imo I just felt kind of slapped in the face. I mean it's sad that she has that point of view and it's 2010. The thing about it is that I don't even like mad about racist jokes. Hell I make a lot of them too but that's with people I really know ya know. It's always funny to crack on stereotypes but imo hers was just garbage/insulting. Anyways, she gets the fail off the night award.

This class I am taking these semester is going to be more time demanding than my last so my volume might suffer. I really hope not but this is where I find out how to be a rockstar and get my balance in life together. In order to get any type of volume in I must stick to a schedule. I won't be playing today because it is Super Bowl Sunday so meh. I am not even a Colts fan or even a Peyton Manning fan for that matter but I think they will win. Manning is waaaay to good and if he did work against the Jets D which was #1 in the NFL I dunno what he is going to do to New Orleans. But, if New Orleans wins it definitely be good for the city especially post Katrina.

On another note I will be doing a simple math equation. Arsenal + Big Games = Fail. Great job on NOT being Chel$ea. When is the excuse of oh we have a young team going to not be accepted for Arsenal. I mean you guys have been saying the same thing for years Arsenal fans yet you keep failing. Oh well at least Man United won on Saturday 5-0 to keep pressure on Hull City.

I actually went to the gym on Friday so semi proud of myself. Now I need to find a day to go next week, hell maybe I might go for the gusto and go twice. Anywho I can't wait to get back on the tables on Monday.

Till next time

wbmustang

Weekend Plans

Well, this weekend officially is going to kind of sucked. I am on a little life tilt because as soon as I feel like I am playing good something comes up. It's like right now when I am playing I am just in a flow and in the zone. Unfortunately, I couldn't play yesterday because I had a docs appt. Friday I have work and then going to class. Saturday, I have class and then going to the UW vs. ASU basketball game. Sunday, I will be watching the Superbowl and probably too drunk to play when it is over. Plus, the traffic on PokerStars is going to be terrible for American players. Hmm, I wonder how the drunk fish will be after the Superbowl. Anyways I am playing good and can't wait to play again.

Vertek, grrrr, you always have to outdo me. I started off strong and you just raped in your first 55 games. Hopefully Man United can play good this weekend and Chel$ea lose to Arsenal :-).

wbmustang

Wayne Rooney

Man I thought I was done blogging for the day until I went to manutd.com. Anyways it was an article about Wayne Rooney and his season so far. He has been an absolute beast and has 22 goals in all competitions so far. This is what Wayne has to say about hard work. I am tired of being lazy and not even coming close to meeting my goals. I need to stop saying stuff and DOING it. I feel like I have typed this over and over and over. When will I change geesh. I guess people in the UK spell realize different lol.

"Sometimes people don’t realise how hard it is to practice every day. It’s hard to constantly put the work in to improve your game. But if you want to get the rewards from it, you have to do it. The best players always practice to get better. That’s what I’ve done since as far back as I can remember. I've played football every day for most of my life. It’s something I really enjoy doing."

Wayne Rooney

Just in case you don't know who he is I will post a video below. He scores some sick goals and works his socks off during games. Rooney Rooney Rooney!

January Results and Rambling

January was a very interesting month. I feel like I am learning a lot from the coaching and doing better with push shove and icm but the results don't show it. I mean I know that I am playing my A game but clearly I don't make up with this in volume. I had to humble myself and just play the $12's and only play 12 tables. I thought that I was able to get good reads and play to the best of my abilities. The only bad thing is that my volume was so low from just doing that. The results are below. I mean they are pretty meh but thanks to my horse stepping up and putting in some volume my month looks a lot better.


Besides that, when talking to my coach he really expressed shot taking. We did the math and it was astronomical the number of $12 you get when you when a $36. I mean really, I am in a perfect opportunity to shot take. I don't depend on this money from month to month to live so why wouldn't I shot take. I need to break out of my nitty shell and play higher. I think I can easily bum hunt the $2's but I just don't want to. I want to be a good winning player in the $12's and higher. I mean how good you think Jordan, Lebron, Tiger, Phil Ivey, or Melo would be if they just played scrubs all day they would of never elevated their games and got better. That's just something I am thinking about and hope to execute it this month.

I normally hate February but slowly I am trying to shake this off. I really want to make a lot of positive life changes this month. I mean there are so many things that I think I need to do better about and I will be putting those into goals. Plus, I saw a recent picture and was disgusted and how fat I am starting to look so something has to give. I probably am going to have to pull the trigger and pay $400 for the chef to make me dinners and lunches and I think it will help me stop spewing money and fast food joints. I just have so much going through my head and suck and expresses myself ugh. Anyways here are the goals for the month.

Feb Goals
1. 1k SNG's
2. GET MY FAT ASS TO THE GYM AT LEAST 1x per week. I would prefer to do 3 but f me lets get the ball rolling.
3. Stop eating out so much.
4. Say something and keep my word. No I am not a shady person but I say stuff and don't always do it on the day I say I will. Pretty much working on being more prompt with shit.
5. Waking up on time and keeping to my schedule. I saw Msusyr24's schedule in excel and it was very visual. Maybe I need to make something like that to make sure I stay on track.
6. Keep accurate records. I think I need to do a better job of tracking my expenses, horses action etc, but just need to be more organized.

I plan on posting my schedule and goals all over my apartment. I am hoping that by seeing this stuff everywhere I will actually get my ass in gear. I am just very frustrated with myself as a person right now and know I need to make changes.

On a side note I did donate $100 to the HaitiFund on Pokerstars. It was matched and stars said they donated a little more thant $1.4 million which is a lot. Classes start agaain this week and with a short month I can't be fooling around. I guess when I feel like I can express myself better I will right more but to now that's it. I mean I have always been a very private person holding everything in so meh baby steps.

wbmustang