Yo son where you been @?

Man, whenever I get into some personal bullshit I promise I never know how to deal with this. April was a fairly crazy month. It started off well when I went to Toronto for a business trip. I had a really good time meeting vers, cardlo, and Shen888. Toronto is a really cool and diverse place and would love to go back. Hell I wouldn't mind living there but I know the winters are pretty cold. I mean I probably could deal with them being from Denver though. But obviouslly my trip wasn't flawless because drama had to ensue.

I won't go into many details about but I basically just got caught up in some T Woods type bullshit. I always knew it would happen at some point in time but just kept pushing the envelope. I guess it's a part of the reason why I am a poker player. I just make gambles. I have made so many gambles in my life where it is just not necessary. A lot of the gambles that I made could of really messed up my life and prevent me to be in the situation that I am in today. I guess it's a part of getting older and becoming more mature but damn I am 25 years old. It's sad when you are 25 and you feel like you haven't really matured since you were 18. To those who I have affected I want to appologize. I am not perfect and make mistakes but it's never fun to play with peoples feelings.

When everything first happend I just didn't know what to deal with it. I am a terrible communicator and usually when shit goes down I feel like holding everything back and keeping to myself. I hate to admit it but being an online poker player has introverted me. I mean I am fairly sociable but now it gets to the point I feel more comfortable talking to people on im/skype than in person. It's kind of sad but it is what it is.

When I first got out to Seattle I really didn't know many people. I mean I had some friends out here that I knew before but for the most part I just chilled by myself. Meeting people and starting a new network is always a problem when you move to a new city That is when I took it upon myself to take poker more seriously. My first initial year was a lot better than last year but hey it is what it is. The games got tougher and I really wasn't advancing my play. Now I feel a lot more comfortable with my game. I still feel like I have some ways to go. I am always willing to learn because the second you think that you know everything you close of what you can learn. Being close minded will definitely be the downfall for a lot of people. In poker you just can't be. There is no one optimal style or one pure way to play a hand. My poker journey has showed me that people can have such different playing styles and still just crush the games.

I decided to limit my volume this past month. I thought it was the professional thing to do. I just had so much going on and didn't know how to deal with it. Those are the times when you are supposed to get on your knees and pray to God about the situation. For some reason, I just feel like I didn't need to. I don't know why though because it is so stupid. You never know what types of signs or answers God will give you. I feel like I am so ungrateful sometimes. God has blessed me in so many ways in my life but I refuse to do something simple and saying thank you every once in a while. I will do better with this. I know if the roles were reversed I would think that I am an ungrateful bastard. But hey he still wakes me up the next morning giving me to opportunity to make things right. I know God is definitely not through with me and I have a long ways to go. Side note I am not trying to force my views on anyone and what I feel is how I feel. I never want to force my views on people and I can't stand it when people try.

Anyways I just didn't feel like talking to anyone about the situation. I mean don't get me wrong I talked to some people but I hate just talking about my problems with people. Maybe that is a fault of mine but I hate bringing down peoples moods with my own problems. This is the reason why I decide to hold things in and deal with it myself. I don't like to complain and moan I just take it and try to keep going. Maybe one day I will change my way of dealing with tough problems but that is just me. I rather just lock myself in seclusion and think about it or just try not to. Oh well I guess that's part of becoming more mature is knowing how to deal with situations.

I played about 600 sngs and watched some videos on pokerpwnage. I really like the content they have on there and feel like with some tweaks they could be a very good site. They have a lot of sick players on there and I have learned a lot I feel. I just need to watch more movies and actually trying things and put what I have learned into practice. Anyways that's all for now I will post pics of my graphs but in a separate post so this post won't turn into TLDR but hell who reads this anyways.

Hopefully this blog allows me to open up and actually write deal with my problems instead of holding them and get infuriated/down on myself. That is why I give other bloggers like msusyr24 and assassinato so much credit. It's so hard to just talk about your problems and put your business out in public. I am coming around to the point where I can slowly. I mean don't get it twisted I will have to leave somethings out but for the most part trying to not turn this inot a monotonous regular poker blog.

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