Whatever's Clever

I feel lost. Not lost in the since I don't know where I am but lost just as a person. I know I have a pretty good life, play poker, have a good job, can travel, but I still feel like something is missing or needs to change. I haven't gone to church in weeks just because I am just confused. I know there is a purpose for my life and some type of after life but isn't life about the journey. It's like playing chess or piecing together a puzzle. You often times think about everything you got to get to the final point and look back and it is amazing.

I just am not happy with myself. I am proud of myself because I have an engineering degree, a good job, and a way to supplement my income in a game I love. But physically, I look at myself in the mirror and just get sick. It's not that I don't like myself as a person I just don't like the way I look. I know it's so cliche and I probably sound like a female but whatever. How the hell am I 25 years old going to be 26 at the end of the year and in the worst shape of my life. I look at pictures of myself I took in Dominican Republic and Costa Rica and just shake my head. I need to put the same effort I put into poker into starting to eat healthier and working out. Broken record I know but I will get there soon. I plan on just building my knowledge and reading and wherever it takes me it takes me.

I have never really ever been the skinny guy always the bigger/fat kid. Do I really care? Well somewhat but I know for me to live as long as possible I need to get it together. Not to mention all the things I am more prone to get just by being black. I always joke and say that someone just had it out for black people and try to exterminate us. I mean it's just ridiculous how black people are more prone to end up in jail, have high blood pressure, have diabetes, or prostate cancer. I know it's not the case but it's pretty gross. My goal is to get down to 200 lbs. I will weigh myself tonight and try to update the blog with some type of progress. The last time I weighed 200 was probably like 8-9th grade which is pretty lol I guess.

Enough about that though poker is good. Been trying to put in more volume since I have had time off for school for the majority of this month. I did a decent job of putting a plan together on how to get the volume I want and breaking down which days I will play. It has helped me so far I just need to stay on schedule. That's my main problem though is my schedule which makes it harder to do the simple things in life. I just recently hired a cleaning lady to clean the house because I got sick of my place looking like trash. People think I am crazy but it is well worth the money and it saves me a lot of time. Now if only I can figure out how to start cooking and lifting I will be the truth.

I will be thinking about what direction I want to take this blog. I think I am going to start doing an occasional video update here and there because sometimes I just don't feel like typing. I mean I am happy I started this blog because it has allowed me to express myself in writing a little more. I mean hey I am an engineer I know numbers.

Lastly, congrats to Alex "msusyr24" Carr for making it on tv during the WSOP ME. The hands they showed were kind of trivial but at least he got some face time. It was also funny because Mike Matusow just blew up and looked like he was not well medicated. Oh well that just shows you that poker is a mental marathon and if you are not right upstairs or just slightly off your play will falter. It's about knowing how to play your A game for the longest period of time determines who wins long term. Try to avoid your B game because if you don't you'll just start slippin to C game all the way to F game. I know it made no sense but to me it did.

Till next time be easy.

wbmustang